Düsseldorf The Lovely Shit Show, also Lovely Darmstadt.

Random things seen that amused me: Folks who I assumed were English in matching T/shirts.

Large man dressed like little girl. Assumed English.

Man in racecar suit and ball cap. A Super hero costumes. A Leprechaun… All assumed English. It is a cultural thing they do. The travel to foreign places, dress silly and act silly. Sometimes creating a bad reputation….

I spent 4 nights in Düsseldorf. My first day I arrived on a train from Berlin. The instructions from the Air BnB hast was to grab any tram into town center. Welp, which ones go into town center? My Verizon Travel Pass was working like shit, and my Google maps was wonky. I soon found myself on a tram traveling in the wrong fucking direction. I got off, and got an Über. Soon, I was out infant of my Air BnB. There were two middle eastern looking fellows chatting out in front of the Kiosk. One had Keyes in his hand. However, he looked nothing like the host I had been chatting with on the Air BnB app. That was a cute lady. After sending a message to the host. The man with the keys approached me, and let me into the lodging. He showed me around, and collected some local tax money from me.

I got settled into my tiny flat. It was a one room studio, with tiny bathroom, and a kitchenette. It was located above a Kiosk (convince store) right on the main drag, in Altstadt (Old Town). The Düsseldorf Altstadt is known as “The longest bar in the world”. It is 260 bars, pubs and restaurants packed into half a square kilometer. The core runs along Bolkerstrasse. In my mind it starts at the Zum Uerige brewer at the north end, and terminates at the Heinrich-Heine-Allee U-Banh station. I see on my map Uerige is a bit west of Bolkerstrasse, but that is how it works in my mind. There are many streets that make up the Altstadt, but Bolkerstrasse is the main drag. It is known to be a very festive part of town. Folks come from neighboring towns to party in the Düsseldorf Altstadt, and I arrived on a Thursday afternoon. So, I was just in time for the festivities to begin.

I hoofed it over to Füchschan, one of the local breweries, and got some Albier, and Schnitzel. It was mediocre Schnitzel, but the Alt was damn fine. It was very toasty, and malty in flavor. Next, I secured some room biers from the Kiosk. I eventually found myself inside of Zum Ureige. I found a little corner bench with a barrel/table in front of it. I posted up, and started a session. Across from me was a man that was eating the local raw minced pork on rolls. He had like 4 of them, and was ordering his Alt 3x 0.25 L glasses at a time. At some point a stranger came by and complimented this man’s innovation. I exchanged a Prost with the man. My bench seat was U shaped. I had my butt on one side, and had put my feet up on the other. I love how in German culture, you will get scolded, often politely, if you fall out of line. At some point the waiter came by and motioned for me to take my feet off the bench. The look on his face told me I was indeed, a savage…

My second day I had a bier-centric day trip that I will write about separately. When I returned to town. I got some Pommes from a spot called Fritten Werk. I had found some very fresh Jever Pils at the Kiosk nest to the U-Bahn station. I was not impressed with Fritten Werk. It is not there falt. I think it is the fry culture I had a problem with. Rather than putting my sauce on the side, to dip in. They smothered my fries. Then, they give you this tiny wooden fork to eat them with. Fries are meant to be crispy and delicious. Smothering them with sauce can compromise this. Also, Germans are weird about eating with there hands. A Döner is eaten like any other sandwich. I saw pizza eaten at a sit-down restaurant with a fucking fork and knife! Later, after my fries. I had an Altbier session at Schumacher brewery.

Saturday 4/18

I spent the day in Düsseldorf. It was sunny in the morning. Before I travel, I like to do “research”. I watched a YouTube video of a couple folks eating their way through Düsseldorf. I saw them eat, a simple and lovelily looking sandwich at a place called Schwerin Janes. So, I went there for lunch. This place had several rotating spits with a vertical gas burner next to them. It was a very meat forward menu. They had rolls, and I think they are only for take away. I got the Schweinebrötchen. Literally “pork bread”. In the YouTube video they called it a Düsseldorfer. I ordered from the German language menu on the wall, it was called Schweinebrötchen. The sandwich is called a Düsseldorfer on the on-line English language menu. So, confusing… I found some steps to sit on, and shot an instagram reel while I ate my sandwich. I had a beer in my pack from the Kiosk. I did a bit of a city walk. I walked along the Rhine a bit, and saw many cool buildings. I also saw some folks drinking beer. I decided I should be doing that too. I tried to get a walking beer, but all of them at the nearest kiosk were too old. I soon found myself standing at an outdoor table at Kürzer Brauerei. I did some tasting, and made my way back to my lodging. I got rid of my daypack and headed out light. I was ponding what I needed and did not need. As soon as the door shut, I realized the keys were not in my fucking pocket! Fuck! I messaged the air BnB host, and stood in the street out front. Soon, the man from the Kiosk came up to me, and told me “the father” would be there in an hour with a key. The person on the app said two hours. Welp, fucking lemons… We made lemonade. There was a Döner spot right next door called KudrEt. I got me a Döner, and ate it at an out door table. As the rain started they extended an awning and moved me under it. It was a nice streak Döner. After my Döner, I grabbed a beer from the Kiosk man. Soon, the old man from day one was there, and let be back in. I apologized, and thanked him. He went on his way, and I got by GorTex rain shell out of my pack.

Back down in the street it was raining PNW (Pacific Northwest) style. Most folks had umbrellas, but I brought my culture with me, and had my boony hat on under, my GorTex shell. I soon found myself back at Zum Ureige. It was packed. There was nowhere to sit inside. There was an outdoor, covered stand up bar. So, I made my way over to it, and started having a session. Soon, a fellow started chatting me up. He had seen me around town throughout the day, and mentioned that I seemed to know the good spots. He mentioned then Döner place (accident, of connivence) and the good Altbier spots. I gave him my standard line, “I am an American Brew Master on holiday.” He started telling me about beer in the Northern Rhine region. He tried to get me to confirm the fact that Altbier is better than Kölsch. However, I don’t feel this way. I actually prefer the simpler yellow-piss bier from the rival city of Köln. As a professional beer man. I know comparing two different styles is nothing more than personal preference. I politely opted out of the comparison of the two rival beer styles. We had good chats, and he gave me some good tips before he "fucked off.” I finished my session, and fucked off myself.

This town has a problem. There are more people, than there are places for those people to sit. Often, the pubs are full. There is reserved seating for eaters, but drinking spills out onto the streets. All tables are communal. Right next to my Air BnB was a brewery called Schlüssel. I found a table across the street from it. When the beer-slanger came by I order 2x of the cute lil’ 0.25 glasses. I shot an instagram reel as I drank them. At this point I had had-enough. This epic shit-show party was a bit too much. It was a lot of stimulation, and I decided it was time to remove myself from it. I had some very fresh Jever Pils back in the room. I went down to a spot called Fritten Piet. Having been challenged by the crowds. I was in an assertive mood. I used all of my communications skills to get the my “Samurai Sauce” on the side. I took those Pommes back up to my room. I cracked a Jever, and had my way with them. You can witness it in a food-porno-graphic instagram reel. A shameless intoxicated Magnus “womps” fries in a a flat, by himself… like a normal person does on holiday…

I will opine that Fritten Piet is better than Fritten Werk, but that is just based off of one experience at each place, and the second time I leaned. I asserted myself to get things my way.

The next day I had an epic, day-trip adventure written about els where. I got back to town late. I got a Döner, and fries from the great spot downstairs Kudr Ex Döner House. I had some fresh Bitburger cans. I was a bit tipsy, and no content was made.

Travel day to Darmstadt 4/20/26

Near my Düsseldorf AirBnB there was a place called Back Werk. It is a self service bakery chain. You come in, and grab a tray, and put a paper liner on it. My first stop was the coffee machine. There is a touch screen where you select the size and type. You put a cup under the spout, push the button, and it dispenses your selection. Next, there is a case of baked goods, and premade sandwiches. I typically got a sandwich, a banana, and coffee. However, this being my last morning in Düsseldorf I opted to have a chocolate croissant instead of a banana.

After breakfast, I packed up my shit, and started my journey to Darmstadt. With a pack on my back, and a computer bag on my shoulder. I took a U-Bahn (subway train) to the Hauptbahnhof (HBF the Main Train Station) There, I grabbed a fast ICE (InterCity Express) train to Frankfurt HBF. From there, I grabbed a slow RE (regional train) down to Darmstadt.

Darmstadt

Traveling from SeaTac, I can fly direct in, and out of Frankfurt. Frankfurt is a well connected travel hup. However, for some reason, I don’t like Frankfurt. I mean, it is not a bad time there, but it is just a big modern city. Parts of it are gritty, and sad. For what-ever-reason. It does not charm me the way Berlin does. You can find some good food, and beer there, but it is just not for me. Just south is middle sized town called Darmstadt. It is the “City of Science”. There is a direct bus from Darmstadt HBF to the Frankfurt Airport. It is about a 30 min. ride, and the bus comes every 30 minutes. Oh, and I should mention; there just happens to be 3 different breweries in this middle sized town.

My train arrived just before 13:00. However, I could not check into my Air BnB until 15:00. Luckily, I had planned for this. Just about 2 blocks from the HBF was a Brewery! I came walking into Darmstädter Privatbrauerei with my pack on my back, and my computer bag in my hand. The nice lady recognized me for the tourist that I am, and just started speaking English to me. She led me to a choice of tables, and I took one by the window that had lots of room to unload my big load (luggage). I ordered a 0.5 L helles, and some kinda Schnitzel situation. Both were great! Soon, another table was seated near me. I heard them speaking English to the server with a European accent. When she asked me if I wanted another beer, I replied in my American accented English. One of the fellows head turned my way. He asked me where I was from. At this point in the trip, I have a standard line. You see, the weather sucks in Germany, in April. Just like at home in the PNW. Folks seem confused by this odd, curly haired little man, traveling solo. I told him, “I am an American Brew Master, and I am here on holiday.” His eyes lit up, and he said to me, “I am a Polish craft brewer.” Muggles would not understand our connection. I said, “good to meat you, brother.” He ordered a sampler of 4× 0.2 L beers (I think that is the size). We chatted as we drank our beers. He was in town with his brother. Soon, I was on to my third 0.5 L beer. As I ordered the Weissbier, the nice server lady bantered, “You are having a sampler too, 0.5 L at a time.” Sadly, I had to pace myself and did not get to enjoy the Bock before I had to leave to check into my hotel. Before we parted ways. My new friend Lukas and I exchanged Instagram handles, and agreed to meet up for more beers later.

I checked into my Lime Hotel, and walked about 4 blocks to Darmstädter Rathskeller Hausbrauerei. I ordered the helles. It was one of those hazy “Keller” style helles. It was a sufficient beer. Soon, my new buddy Lukas showed up. As we chatted, I learned that his brother had bivalve cancer. Apparently, the “City of Science” is the best place in Europe to treat this. I felt feelings. Lukas’s brother used to be his drinking buddy. However, in his condition. He can’t drink. My brother is also my drinking buddy. We talked shop, and bonded in a way most of you Muggles can’t understand. Listening to Lukas speak about Franconian bier. I realized I must re-visit this region. We have continued to exchange Instagram messages about the beers we drink.

Later, I hit up Grohe Brauhaus. I ate a giant “dong” (Heiress Hessische Fleischwurst). I drank the helles, and the Weissbier. Everything was delicious.

Darmstädter Privatbrauerei has a second location in town center. It is just called City Braustüb’l. I had a fuzzy finish to the evening there.

4/21/26 would be my last full day in Germany. I had to make the most of it! Darmstadt had a Back Werk of its own. I grabbed breakfast there. I wanked around town, and saw the sights. Mid day I relaxed and did some writing.

At dinner time I had a big decisions to make. What shall my last dinner in Germany be? I could go to a brewery and eat sausage, or schnitzel, but that was literally what I ate the day before. I opted for the Turkish grill, LAVA Restaurant. I was confused. They had a counter top facing the street for to-go food. It was set up like a Döner stand. They had a counter inside. It looked like folks ordered to-go food there too. I grabbed a table, and tried to scan a QR code, but it did not work. Soon, a nice lady came by. I told her QR code did not work. She looked into it, and agreed. She brought me a munu and Gave me table service. I ordered a steak Döner, and a side of Pommes. I knew a Döner would be all the food I needed, but I wanted those “French fries”. It was a damn fine Döner, and those Pommes were perfect. I womped the Döner, and ate as many fries as I could. It was a sad effort. With my bottle of water it was a 20€ dinner.

After dinner I made my way back to City Braustüb’l. I had lovely biers until my mind was fuzzy.

4/22/26

Traveling home is not the best part of the trip, but it must be down. There was a tram stop about 4 block from the Lime Hotel. I grabbed a tram to the HBF and figured out where that airport bus was. I grabbed that sum-bitch and made my way to the Flughaffen. There, I found a mediocre hotdog. Next, I found a place pouring Spatten Helles. As I ordered one, I realized I had blundered. They had Leiberkassa Sammel. This is a lovely meatloaf/sausage type thing served on a roll. It is a food Would have loved to eat. I sat by a window that over looked the runway. The sun was shining through that window, and on my face. That felt good, but I worried about my lovely Spatten Helles getting light struck (skunked). So, I found some shade for it. Before long, I boarded the plane and made the 10 hour flight home. At SeaTac I breezed through customs and baggage claim. I travel light, and don’t check a bag. I grabbed the Light rail to my favorite brewery and pub. Finally I Ubered home.

The End….